I sat on the couch unable to process what I was hearing, while my husband described the dreams on his heart. I tried to understand, to make sense of what he was saying, to imagine this reality, but I couldn’t.
His dreams were beyond me.
After an hour of talking, I was growing frustrated.
From the beginning of our relationship, we’ve always known I was the one who tended to be more traditional in my approach to life, organization and logic- the two tent pegs that kept me upright and stable.
My husband’s ideas and ways of seeing the world, weren’t just different than mine, but slightly offensive. You can imagine his dreams sounded even crazier to me.
I listened with openness and I tried to match his enthusiasm during our conversation. I wanted him to know I was interested.
But on the inside, I entertained a nagging question laced with the power to destroy both me and my husband’s marriage and our courage to follow Jesus together.
“Would this ever be possible?” I wondered to myself.
I’m sure my facial expressions gave away my hesitant heart.
My eyes told the story of disbelief, worry, and fear. I thought he might be better off speaking his heart to a wall than to me, at least the wall wouldn’t be able to give him a negative reaction.
I am addicted to tangible proof, show me who’s done this before, evidence that this will work. To willingly travel with God into the unknown places, and let my eyes drift towards the unseen, sounds spiritual but not practical to me.
I’d rather depend on my go-getter attitude to provide clarity and peace than on God. I take pride in turning lofty dreams into a business plan.
My husband, on the other hand, doesn’t need to have a strategy or weekly steps written down somewhere in a notebook, nor does he buy into scheme that says we can manufacture a God-dream quickly or easily. He lays out his wild ideas and whimsical desires to God with joy.
Instead of being consumed with achieving them in a linear, overly-determined fashion (like me!) he accepts the winding and wobbly adventure of faith. Things don’t have to makes sense to him right now.
I fear for so many of us like myself consider our question of “Would this ever be possible?” to be a stop sign, a closed door, or the signal to start figuring out the next move. We see all the missing pieces to our dreams and we either give up or take control.
But what if this question arising in our heart is God’s cue for us to pay attention…
Impossibility is His alluring invitation to a life beyond our own making. A call to trust God especially when it looks foolish and fuzzy. An opportunity to go to our knees in humble recognition of our limited perspective and understanding.
How long has it been since you’ve sat with God and given Him time to share His crazy dreams with you?
Try listening carefully until you grow uncomfortable, perhaps even irritated, with the pictures He brings to your mind and the words He shares with you.
Wait with Him, until your heart begins to echo the inevitable question we all ask, “Would this ever be possible God?” Now you’re on the right track!
Then resist the urge to get to work, displaying your own skill and determination. Let His words simmer on the back burner, until they are rich and thick with goodness, until you awaken you to an adventure with the Living God who longs to guide you into places of His heart you’ve never been.
Fight the need to write out a tentative timeline or mark up a planner. Let the Holy Spirit do the sweet work of sowing seeds in your soul.
All God- dreams are rooted in the humble dirt and dependency not in our hurried doing.
God isn’t telling us to be lazy but in love. One waits with God in boredom, the other waits in expectant trust and fervent pursuit.
If I had that conversation with my husband to do over, I would see his tender vulnerability differently, I would revel in how much he revealed to me, I’d offer myself to him as a faithful yet timid partner along this adventure, and most of all I’d see that moment as a beautiful invitation to pursue the heart of God together with His hand in ours.
Join me in surrendering our need to always have a clear vision, to accept more nonsensical dreams that don’t come with clean steps to achieve them, to steep our life in a God who is constantly opening doors to a life better than we could ever dream, a life beyond ourselves.
Verses to ponder: Job 42:5, Psalm 119:103, Proverbs 19:21, Zechariah 4:6, Matthew 6:33-34, 16:25-27, Ephesians 3:19-21