I love being told a secret. Or at least I thought I did.
I once felt honored that someone let me on their deepest heart’s desires or their wild dreams they hadn’t told anyone else. I loved it when my hubby whispered in my ear so only I could hear.
Being entrusted with a secret has a way of making us feel special and seen. I believe from a child we all love being in on a good secret and giving our pinky promise not to tell.
Sharing our secrets with others represents real intimacy to me. Whether it’s delightful or deep, silly or stupid, we usually only tell secrets to those we know will hide it away from the crowds.
So I’ve got a secret I want to share with you today.
Come close and let me whisper in your ear.
“I hate living a secret life.”
What do I mean by a secret life you wonder? Let me explain…I remember clearly when it didn’t bother me to live behind the scenes, tending to the quiet tasks of taking care of my heart, my home, or my husband.
I’m not sure when it happened, but I began to fall for the lie that my life was only valuable and beautiful if I received affirmation from others. I suddenly needed more than just the Lord or my husband to encourage me. I was desperate to come out from behind the curtain of the mundane and masquerade myself in front of others.
I think the secret life battles against the showy life.
The two are at odds with one another, and if you’re like me, you’ve subtlety, almost unconsciously, given into the showy life.
Somehow we’ve grown to despise the secret life.
Hear me on this. I’m not against being vulnerable, and ofcourse I’m all for writing from the depths of my heart, and I also understand firsthand the healing that can come from letting others into the darkest parts of our lives, but I’m also beginning to see the danger of swinging too far to the showy side.
Yes, I was created to do life with others.
Yes, God desires that I share Him with the world.
Yes, there is so much good that can come when I offer people glimpses into my real life.
But where, oh where, has my secret life gone?
It’s difficult in our culture today, I’m not blaming it, but I am becoming more aware of how I’m succumbing to their systems.
In a world that loves the platform, the stage, the show…I’ve forgotten the beauty of mystery. I’ve exchanged sweet intimacies with Christ for applause from the world.
How much do I truly keep between just me and Jesus, and how much do I share of our relationship for the sake of being noticed? What do I tuck away into my journal and ponder for days, weeks, and years on end without anyone knowing but Him? Where are the words and the prayers that stay hidden perhaps forever on paper or in my heart? What happened to the true delight I had in going through my days without the dangerous desire to get praise from people?
Why do I hate the secret life so much?
I have forgotten that what my soul craves in true intimacy and friendship can only be found as I treasure the secret life once again.
I’m not about to walk away from the walls of social media, disengage from local community, or stop sharing my life with others whether in writing, words, or pictures, quite the contrary…
In all of my day-to-day interactions and relationships I want to start being intentional about living a secret life and encouraging others to do the same.
Will you join me in gaining back our childlike, innocent enjoyment of the secret life?
Instead of sharing our treasures too soon or too fast, can we gain back our appetite for the simplicity of sharing our heart and life with Him alone?
Can we actually be brave enough to run only to Jesus for our identity, and recognize that our need to feel special and seen comes as we listen into the secrets of His heart as He whispers to us throughout our days?
What will it take to get back the sweetness of the secret life?
Only you know that answer.
Only you know in your heart where the battle is raging between showy life and the secret life.
Let’s step into the beautiful mysteries of Jesus and invite others to do the same.
Let’s rejoice more in the secret life- where we are hidden away in Christ alone, tucked up under His wings, confidently content that we are known and seen by Him.
Let’s get back to listening, pondering, and waiting upon the secrets of God and letting Him share His heart with us in ways that make us quietly shudder in excitement and expectancy behind closed doors.
Let’s practice falling in love with the secret life and watch what beauty and miracles and creativity are birthed from behind the stage and in His strong arms.