Let’s Go For A Little Walk. (No. 01)

Hey you… Hi!

Do you want to go for a walk with me? Well, you don’t have a choice, you’re coming! 😉

Just a few minutes. It won’t be long, but who’s to say it’s not the perfect amount of time for us to connect beyond the smiles and screens?

I’ll jump right in and tell you way too much. If you know me you know a woman who doesn’t waste time digging into the good stuff of life. Let’s get to the marrow, the juicy center. Even better let’s do it in public- on the school playground, in the Whole Foods cafe, or in the middle of the gym for all to hear.

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I’m contemplating some life-altering decisions right now. Ugh. You too?

I’m eyeing cute and cozy rentals in my town. Or stated bluntly, I’m thinking about separation…have been for a couple of years now.

Did you see The Idea of You yet or more importantly did you read the book? I want to cuddle those pages close to my chest and rewatch the movie a few times over.

Of course, the story isn’t perfect, there are parts I would have changed. Overall though, Solene is everything I hope to become and Hayes is divine. I shudder at the thought of embodying Solene’s energy, her ferocity, and her audacity. The way she surrenders to her sensuality and sexuality is every woman’s dream, and yet it feels impossible.

How can I grow into a more Solene-like woman? A woman who surprises herself, who still craves adventure, and who plays with possibilities.

I’m too scared. I don’t think I could ever walk away from this life, this marriage I’ve built and tended to for the last 15 years. It feels ridiculous, rash, complicated, and exhausting.

The knots in my stomach clinch tighter when I think about untying the knot. There’s also an aching curiosity for what could unfurl if I was brave.

Perhaps some new language could help alleviate my anxiety.

Rather than calling myself scared- I’m cautious.

Instead of “walking away”, I’m exploring or heeding the invitation toward another path.

I could also remember to loosen up and laugh a little, recognizing every decision I make is essentially life-altering, it’s not just this one.

It also helps to confess the truth:

We live in a world set up to keep us in our place. It convinces us to relax into our roles as mindless consumers. Numbs us into quiet, kind, and submissive wives and devoted and dainty mothers.

Without realizing it, we’re robbed of our innate power and multi-layered personalities, poignant desires and potent voices.

There is no unseeing any of this.

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Okay. I’ll stop for now. I’m dying to know…

Are you contemplating the D-word?

Have you navigated a separation already?

Is there a decision you’re ruminating on or wrestling with these days?

What questions do you have for me?

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