I Don’t Want To Miss This.

I have always feared giving myself completely, throwing myself recklessly into my real life. Won’t I drown in it? No one ever noticing, my life sucked down beneath the surface, quietly consumed by the monotonous waves of daily routines. What if I die, never really having done anything noteworthy with my life like pursuing a dream or attempting the impossible?

But two weeks ago, today, I gazed deeply into the eyes of my three-hour old daughter, Tiffany Joy, and knew it was time to give myself. Extravagantly. Wildly. Without constraint. In ways I had only imagined.

God’s words are what pushed me over the edge, “Don’t miss this…”

I won’t, no, no, no, I won’t. I whispered back. Here…I…go…

I could almost sense myself falling into the mystery.

My eyes transfixed by the beauty of her innocence, her perfectly formed features, and miniature everything. I surrendered to the wonder of it all. (And did it again and again and again since that day.)

You see, she was born on my birthday. A day that will now forever be ours, not just mine. An unforgettable reminder that God knows the best gifts.

This day – marked by both pain and celebration. From the tension and tears, life slipped surprisingly into the world and straight onto my chest. Wet and warm and fresh from heaven.

For months, more like years, I’ve wrestled with the separation I felt in my heart. It’s as if I was divorced from my true self. Divided into two mediocre parts.

Unsettled, trying to squeeze in at least some peace to patch up the cracks and holes and somehow make myself feel whole.

But cradling her in my arms that night, I gave into the tension.

How could I not? His invitation handcrafted for my wondering soul. “Don’t miss this.”

I knew exactly what He meant by this.

This face. This moment. This season. This gift. This life.

I can give myself fully. I don’t need to skim the surface anymore. I can let myself marvel at my life without fear of being overwhelmed by it.

Commit yourself to this life, marry together all the parts of who you are. Let peace and unpredictability rise up together within you.

Jesus shows us how. He walked through the wilderness, washed feet, kissed cheeks, held babies, ate fish with friends, let the tears flow in the garden, and opened His heart on the cross for all the world to see.

His fierce devotion to life evident through His death.

Jesus didn’t try to escape the extremes of life. A miracle we often overlook, don’t we? As God, He could have gone anywhere, done anything, but He chose to come, to stay, to settle down into the tension of what it means to be human.

God took the plunge first. Heaven smashed into Earth and new life slipped out through intimacy and suffering. God surrendered, willingly chose to be quietly sucked under by the monotonous routines of daily living.

Now, He holds us in this holy tension and every perplexing part of us finds its wholeness here.

Now, there is place for both the tiniest of babies and the wildest of dreams. 

Can we receive it all as one sacred, precious gift from heaven and let ourselves get lost in the mystery of this life?

Please, don’t miss this…