On Control, Cigarettes, and Surrender.

We want to feel safe and secure in this life, and when we don’t we run.

Enter: Our addictions. Our comforts. Our religion {trying to get to God on our own terms}.

We run to them to regain a sense of safety and control. But much to our dismay, the security they provide is all an illusion. Most of us don’t realize it, but this cycle happens almost daily.

Throughout the past few weeks, several circumstances have shown me {once again!} I am not in control, even when I think I am. 

I feel helpless and desperate for control. I want to be strong and healthy, capable and confident. And I’ll do anything to get there because only then will I be happy.

How do you feel when the circumstances of life render you helpless?

Do you try to run like me?


Even if we’re not smokers, we all have our cigarettes. The little things that we cling to for some sense of stability when our days feel uncertain and tumultuous.

When life surprises us with unexpected challenges or prolonged struggles our human nature is to strive for control again because we are afraid.

We are afraid of being vulnerable, helpless, and desperate.

To most of us, these qualities never characterize a woman of strength or confidence, courage or faith. They equal a woman who is weak and unworthy.

But could it be that God desires us to remain right here- in a place of need?

What if being out of control is exactly when we recognize Who is in control?

Could surrendering our desire for control and safety be the moment we begin to fly?

What if our brokenness is the door to wholeness, freedom, joy, and praise?

Following Jesus on this adventure doesn’t make us more self-reliant or self-confident. In fact, it’s quite the opposite, His adventure winds us along a trail where we will have to decide daily where will we put our trust.

Will we run in our own strength, trying to maintain balance and stability in the ways we always have?

Or will we get on our knees in an act of surrender and need, realizing this adventure is messy and unexpected much of the time, and that’s a good thing? Then wait expectantly for surrender to do its work in us…


Surrender fills our lungs with healing and life. Instead of hopelessness and despair working death into our days, joy and praise begin pump life through our veins.

…we overcome fear by surrendering control. But surrender is only possible if we have total assurance that we are safe. We must be convinced that if we let go we will be caught. This assurance only comes when we trust that our heavenly Father desires to be with us and will not let us fall. Skye Jethani

When circumstances in life leave me feeling confused and out of control, when the unexpected challenges burst through my doors, when situations cause me to worry, I don’t want to reach for my cheap cigarettes {my addictions, my shroud of religious behaviors or comforts} like I usually do.

Instead I will get on my knees, empty my hands towards the sky, and declare myself a needy woman. In need of grace, healing, mercy, and wisdom. I am a woman in desperate need of Jesus today. What about you…who or what will you cling to for security today? 


You hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.

 Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever.

Those who desert him will perish, for you destroy those who abandon you.

 But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do. {Ps. 73}





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