Coaching

Things I Love About You.

About seven years ago Michal and I had a revelation that changed the course of our lives. At the time we had been dating off and on for about three years. We couldn’t seem to figure out the answer to THE BIG question… “Is he/she the ONE for me?”

20150421_204454 20150419_155041

We were confused and tired, but still hoping to make our relationship work. We wanted to stay together, but didn’t think the ONE was supposed to feel so uncomfortable and be such hard work.

I still remember his words to us as we sat in the dining room of the mountain top retreat center that afternoon.

“You guys are great at picking out all that you don’t like about each other. You are pros at seeing the weakness and flaws in each other. But it’s time. It’s time to crumple up that list and throw it away.”

He was our pastor, and our friend, and he had watched our relationship through all the ups and downs. We knew he was right. After that afternoon, everything changed for us.  

***

It was time to move forward in our relationship, to stop trying to answer the wrong question, “Is he/she the ONE for me?” and instead become the one for each other.

From that day on, we kept a different list running in our heart. A list of all the qualities we loved, appreciated, and enjoyed about each other.

We decided to encourage and build up, to focus on one another’s strengths instead of being blinded by the other’s shortcomings.

About a year later we were married, and declared to the world that we would commit our lives to a lifetime of celebrating and enjoying and bringing out the best of one another. Never again would we let the little things irritate us, or let disappointment or unmet expectations have the last word.

I’d love to say that after nearly six years of marriage we don’t ever go back to rehearsing that old list again. But we have. And we do!

We get stuck on the irritations and linger on our sins. We are quick to notice one another’s wrongs before we even acknowledge their rights.

But my husband and I refuse to settle for an ordinary marriage like this.

I’m not a marriage counselor or an expert in this thing by any means, but I do know that the words we speak and thoughts we think about our spouses or any other people in our lives, directly affects how beautiful that relationship is and will become.

20150419_114214

IMG_20150421_230838

***

Will you join me in scribbling out another list today for those people in your life that you find difficult to love or appreciate or get along with?

Why don’t you go grab a piece of paper right now. {I’ll wait here!}

Did you get it?

Okay, at the top of the paper write this- Things I Love About You.

Pick your person. And then just let yourself go! You will be shocked to find that it might be hard at first…but it will get easier as you go on. Keep going as long as you can, and then write some more. Maybe aim for 25, 50 or 100 things on your list.

This simple action is a way for us to write, speak, and immerse ourselves in a new language of grace and encouragement, and eventually create a new culture. A culture of love, gratitude, enjoyment, and celebration of others, our spouses, family, and friends.  

And who knows…it may just change the course of your life, your marriage, and your relationships!

Who is joining me on this adventure of love today?

I’d love to hear about it if you do! 

 

 

 

Read More